Obsession
by Jessica Knorr
Summary: Spike tries to sort out his feelings, and reexamines his obsession with the Slayer


"Obsession"  
(c) Jessica Knorr, 2001  
slayer_2000_@hotmail.com  
www.geocities.com/Area51/Quadrant/6706/  
  
  
RATING: R!  
SPOILERS: Knowing about the entire series up to last week should help out.  
CONTENT: Language that I think I picked up in the schoolyard(or from my Religion teacher...)! Dark and evil thinking. Pre-chip Spike thinking(though this is after "Crush").  
SUMMARY: Spike is reflection boy, pondering his new Slayer-whipped-ness.  
DISCLAIMER: Spike, Buffy, Drusilla, Angel and Harmony belong to "God, The Devil and Joss" Whedon and the WB. Song is credited to Holly McNarland(but you can see that already. I've been baaaaaaaaaaaaaad, and I swear, I have no idea where this came from(other than desperation for new material). Eat up, kiddies, Muse hasn't been very talkative, and I'm in a pretty deep abyss right now.  
  
  
"Where do you begin?  
Where do you begin?  
  
Well, I'm still thinking about Elmo  
You're my 5 'o clock special  
I'm still thinking about you  
A thousand ways to kill you  
I'm still dreaming in pink  
It gives me reason to think  
When I lay down my head, I'm still okay  
When I lay down my head to go to bed"  
-"Elmo", Holly McNarland  
  
Women. I had three. And now, I have none. They left me, each one of 'em. Dru, Harm. The Slayer.  
  
I can live without the first two indefinitely...well, maybe not without Dru. For a couple decades, maybe, but definitely without Harmony. Bloody whining bitch. But the last one, the blonde enchantress whose birthname is Elizabeth Anne Summers, who goes by Buffy, and who is the Slayer.... I don't know how long I can manage without her.  
  
The whole thing started back in the fall of '97. Me and Dru, we were going to turn Sunny-Hell into the undead Holy Land. You wouldn't be able to fulfill your non-life without journeying to that small little California port and paying respect to William The Bloody and Drusilla, the king and queen of all the things that go bump in the night. I would have risen up in the books higher than Drac, or Angelus, or even the bloody Master if it weren't for one perky blond who had the strength of a whole, crowded pub of drunken blokes.  
  
She kicked my ass. She crippled me, made me a freak. I hated her, I wanted her blood spilling down my throat and into my gut. I wanted her to be my slave, I wanted to play around with her and her happy brood of beach bunnies. I wanted to fuck her cooling body until it rotted away around me. And not because I loved her then, because I hated her more than Hitler hated everyone. The power inside that tiny little package is more than all the weapons, nuclear and atomic and what-the-fuck-not, on this miserable plane of existence put together. Somewhere under those heaps of gold stars and ribbons and trophies for goodness and purity is evil. Dark, carnal, extravagant evil. I could sense it, Dru could sense it...hell, I'm guessing the almighty Angel could even sense it...he must have. The real reason that self-absorbed asshole was so obsessive with her was, not that he wanted revenge, but that he wanted power. And I think his ideas have gotten to me.  
  
I've always been a bit over-zealous when it came to Slayers, especially after Angelus first taught me about them. But this one...this one has lasted 5-6 years in the job. I know of some high-priced toads who go after newer work every other week. Hatred gave away to mediocre fascination. Which then, despite my better judgement, grew into infatuation. I don't hate Buffy any more. I hate myself for loving her.  
  
Obsessions are powerful things, kiddies. They control you; they cloud your vision, your judgement and sensibility; they rip into your brain, physical, spiritual and every other aspect of that dead, pulping mass and rewire everything until it focuses on one thing. The obsession. Soon, it's the only thing you can think about, you dream about, you fantasize about. You eat, drink, breathe, sleep, smell, taste, feel, see and hear your obsession. It seems Angelus isn't the only one addicted to Slutty the Vampire Slayer anymore.  



End file.
